- Boris Johnson
Transport for London press release containing Boris Johnson’s comments on the bike hire scheme that refers to:
‘A cyclised city’ of ‘pioneers’
- NHS Lanarkshire
Sentence in a 34-page ‘self assessment’ document under the ‘clinical effectiveness’ section referring to reports on infection rates.
This is a truly baffling statement:
'These are cascaded to senior staff across the organisation through to frontline staff via a structured mechanism to facilitate ownership of data.'
- The Association of Revenue and Customs trade union
An employee of HM Revenue and Customs has sent us this wording which appears on the underside of a coaster supplied by his trade union – The Association of Revenue and Customs.
‘Non Reflective Surface
Wipe Away Dust and Dirt’
The employee confused about why these warnings are necessary - so are we at the campaign.
- Fife Council
Letter sent in response to a request for an extra wheelie bin on medical grounds – ‘Additional waste capacity request’ Jane Lofthouse, who is a Health Visitor, has sent in this letter. It had been sent to one of her clients by Fife Council. Her client had asked Jane to apply for an extra wheelie bin on medical grounds.
ADDITIONAL WASTE CAPACITY REQUEST
With reference to your request for additional waste capacity, The Environmental Protection Act 1990 authorises Fife Council in making requirements with regard to receptacles for household waste and allows making provision with respect to size construction and maintenance of the receptacles. The criteria for granting applications for a 2nd or larger bins was approved by the Council to ensure maximum recycling over landfill.
To qualify for additional waste capacity Fife Council do require proof of evidence that information given against the criteria is correct. Under the Data Protection Act, we do not keep copies or record any of your personal details but failure to provide evidence may result in your application being refused.
Please complete and return the attached request form within 21 days. On receipt of the form, we may follow up with a visit to verify the information given before we are able to advise you whether your request will be granted.
Our version:
Thank you for your letter asking for an extra wheelie bin.
I enclose a form for you to fill in with your personal details and the reasons why you need the extra bin. Please let me have the filled in form within 21 days. Someone from Fife Council may visit you to check that the information on the form is correct.
We will let you know if we can supply the extra wheelie bin as soon as possible.
- Part of the Q&A in the agenda for the Surrey County Council Local Committee: sent in by Peter Robbins
Q Why is Charlton Lane the most suitable site for the Eco Park?
A Charlton Lane Shepperton is located in location that is proximate to the majority of the population of Surrey
In other words – most people live near to Charlton Lane?
- Northern Ireland Civil Service (NICS) HRConnect website
Instructions on how to take a half-day’s leave
Taking a half-day holiday
‘If the annual leave request that you are entering is less than a full day on the First Day or the Last Day, then please select Hours from the drop down list of values in the Part Days Unit of Measure field. Then select the amount of hours absent on the first day in the Fraction of Start Date field or the last day in the Fraction of End Date field. If the absence is only for one day, use the Fraction of Start Date field to record the hours absent.’
- Lord Jackson’s report ‘Review of Civil Litigation Costs’: Final Report
A supporter sent in this sentence which is on page 184.
‘Personal injuries litigation is the paradigm instance of litigation in which the parties are in an asymmetric relationship, as discussed in chapter 9 above.’
Perhaps Lord Jackson could have said:
‘Personal injuries cases are the examples of court cases between different parties.’
- Job advert within the Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO) for a ‘reputation manager’
A Foreign and Commonwealth job advert contains the following explanation of the duties of a ‘reputation manager’:
‘Maintenance and development of job narrative around FCO and its value proposition, using insights from research and evaluation as well as knowledge of the evolving FCO strategy to inform resonant messaging….’
Our guess (and only a guess) is:
Writing powerfully about what the FCO does using reports about:
- its research;
- how well it does its job; and
- its changing strategies.
- Wandsworth Council (sent in by Sandra Long)
Adult Social Services Charging Policy Consultation
This a well-meaning document that the council is using to consult Wandsworth people about the proposed changes to the system it uses for charging for social care for adults.
There are a little over six pages of explanation of the proposals but a lot of the wording will leave many people baffled.
For example on page 4 we have:
Percentage to be applied to Personal Budgets
It is proposed that 100% of an individual’s personal budget be subject to an assessed contribution i.e. a means tested charge towards the cost of an individual’s care. This is consistent with the charging policies developed by the London Boroughs of Richmond and Ealing. Other local boroughs are still in the process of policy development. The application of 100% to the calculation of a service user’s maximum assessed contribution will act to promote choice; a key principle of the personalisation regime.
- Argyll & Bute Council (sent in by Sandy Longmuir)
A Council document said the benefit of a grant it received was around £2.644 million. When this figure was disputed they sent out this reply.
‘For 2010-the additional GAE that was allocated to the Council through the secondary indicator for primary school teaching staff was £2.644m. The Council understands the separate components of how this is made up. The secondary indicator element of GAE effectively comprises 2 parts. The first is a contribution into a pot for redistribution which amounts to a reduction in GAE calculated by the primary indicator of 5.25% in the case of Argyll and Bute Council this amounts to £0.755m. The second element is a share of that redistribution pot based on the percentage of pupils in small rural schools. In the case of Argyll and Bute Council for 2010-11 the percentage of pupils in small rural schools was 21.8% and this led to an allocation from the redistribution pot of £3.399. The net effect of both elements is the secondary indicator GAE effect of £2.644m (a contribution to the redistribution pot of £0.755M and an allocation from the redistribution pot of £3.399m). The financial impact paper simply states the net effect. The Council is aware of both elements and has modelled the GAE reductions in the financial impact paper Annex 4 Appendix 2 (page 50 of the papers) to take account of both elements.
We think it means:
Argyll and Bute Council received an allocation of £3.399 million from the pot. But, as the council had already contributed £0.755 million to the pot, it actually received £2.644 million (£3.399m -£0.755m).
- The Australian Business School (sent in by Julia Dorn)
‘This new program reflects the need for a more holistic perspective on risk as well as specialistion in discrete areas of risk management. It views organisations as complex structures interacting with one another and with the wider system, and with people being a component of both. Its core courses address concepts of globalisation of risks and the super structure necessary to manage them; complexity and diversity of new classes of emerging risks; system-wide responses under conditions of uncertainty, and resilience as a mechanism to enhance a systems ability to manage unknown risks.
We wonder if it means:
This new program assumes the need to cover all risks as well as managing individual risks. It assumes organisations that interact with each other and the wider world are complex and need people to work in them.
At the heart of its courses are the concepts that risks:
- are worldwide;
- need large systems to manage them;
- are new, complicated and distinct;
- are uncertain;
and that systems to manage risks must be resilient and flexible enough to handle new risks that emerge.
- Emergency Medical Service (EMS) news report (Canada) (sent in by Nigel Douglas)
A man had been attacked and lost part of his ear.
EMS spokesman Adam Loria reported it like this:
'He was missing a body part to the side of his head due to the assault. Luckily he was (in) stable and non-life-threatening (condition).'
- Investec Ltd.
Mr Allen Cherry of Communications Supply and Support Limited sent us a wonderful example of ‘lawyerspeak’ in a letter from their bank.
"Dear Mr XXXX,
32 Day Notice Account
In consideration of the mutual agreements contained herein, any monies that have been or are to be deposited by you with us and used as margin further to the terms of business and client agreement you and we have agreed (the "Terms of Business") may be deposited into the 32 day notice account you have opened, or any you may open, with us (the "Account"). The Terms of Business, including without limitation those terms relevant to the title transfer of cash and margining arrangements, shall then apply to the monies so deposited.
Without limiting the foregoing, we may at any time and without further notice to you, set off any liability of you to us against any liability of us to you. including any liability to pay to you funds you have deposited in the Account, whether any such liability is present of future, liquidated or unliquidated, under the Terms of Business or not and irrespective of the currency of its denomination. If the liabilities to be set off are expressed in different currencies, we may convert any liability at a market rate of exchange for the purpose of set-off.
Any exercise by us of our rights under this letter shall be without prejudice to any other rights or remedies available to us. This shall be without prejudice to any terms, similar or otherwise, in the Terms of Business, and to the extent that there is any inconsistency between the Terms of Business and this letter, the terms of this letter shall prevail.
Please confirm your agreement to the terms of this letter by signing both copies and returning one for our retention."
We think it may mean:
‘Your money is our money’
